It's all about Abby

He Said/She Said

2008-02-11T19:39:00.001-05:00

Abby has certaintly started to express her likes and dislikes...as if almost on cue...she will be exactly 2.5 years old in a couple of weeks....

Here is some of her recent phraseology:

No, Mommy...I don't LIKE IT! (I'm trying to convey the emphasis...)
Mommy, I am MAD....I am mad MOMMY.
I don't WANT TO!

Sometimes these phrases are uttered with an accompanying fist pumping in the air for good measure. Fun times!

Most times I ignore these outbursts while hoping I was hearing things. Surely my sweet baby girl doesn't talk like this.... My denial was quickly shattered yesterday when I was going through the endless tubs of clothes that Abby was outgrowing. I was separating clothing into piles...those to save, those to sell...when along came Abigail.

Abby: "What are you doing Mommy?"
Me: "I'm going through some of your clothes."
Abby: "These are Abby' clothes!"
Me: (Not for long) "Mommy is cleaning them up."
Abby: "Mommy, I clean up! " As she steps through the piles as if it was late September and we were bagging leaves on the front lawn.....
Me: "Abby, please don't step on the clothes. Why don't you come sit next to me and help me make piles."
Abby: "NO, MOMMY I DON'T WANT TO!"
Mommy: "Abigail Maya! We do not talk to Mommy like that . Do you understand?"
Abby: "Little Joey* say it!"

There you have it. Why wait until grade school? The imitation starts early these days! Little Joey is a lovely young boy who attends the same in-home daycare that Abby does. Little Joey has an older sister in the 1st grade. Enough said.......

*Names have been changed to protect the not-so-innocent.

Political Science for Dummies

2008-02-11T19:31:00.000-05:00

I'm not one to always read, and certaintly not forward the emails sent to me that are obivous forwards...but this one was worth the read, the forward and the blog.....

DEMOCRATIC

You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN

You have two cows.Your neighbor has none.So?
SOCIALIST

You have two cows.The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST

You have two cows.The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it.It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

You have two cows.Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch and drink wine.Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.You break for lunch.Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.You have some vodka.You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka.You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
TALIBAN CORPORATION

You have all the cows in Afghanistan , which are two.You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.
IRAQI CORPORATION

You have two cows.They go into hiding.They send radio tapes of their mooing.
POLISH CORPORATION

You have two bulls.Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
BELGIAN CORPORATION

You have one cow.The cow is schizophrenic.Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.The cow asks permission to be cut in half.The cow dies happy.
FLORIDA CORPORATION

You have a black cow and a brown cow.Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.Some people vote for both.Some people vote for neither.Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.
CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

You have millions of cows.They make real California cheese.Only five speak English.Most are illegals.Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

No Easy Bake Oven for Abby!!!

2008-02-05T22:42:00.000-05:00

After weeks of Abby making me pie--all kinds of pie...pea pie, blueberry pie, apple pie, orange pie....I thought it might be great fun to make a cake with Abby.

Abby stood on a chair next to me as we used the mixer, sealed the crumbs, and frosted the cake......

Watch out Sylvia Weinstock.....this mother daughter team might be on your heels..... ;)

and here is a pic of Abby taking a picture of the cake...errr....I mean the dishwasher.... LOL

I Interrupt this Program....

2008-02-05T22:27:00.000-05:00

to bring you this important message. I guess it's a fact of life that as we get older, we are faced with some grim realities. None worse than learning that our friends and peers may be sick.

It is in this vain that I bring you a public service announcement of sorts......please read this--it is quite important.

IBC STANDS FOR INFLAMMATORY BREAST CANCER, MOST DOCTORS HAVE NEVER SEEN A CASE, IT CAN KILL YOU!! PLEASE CLICK ON THE WEBSITE BELOW AND TURN UP YOUR SOUND, IT COULD SAVE YOUR LIFE,OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW.

IBC is usualy a very advanced Cancer.

This happens when the disease goes undiagnosed for a long time - or in some cases, a suspicious finding that doesn't get followed up on by a woman is too busy!

We would all be diagnosed long before this would ever develop.

Have you had your mammo in the last 12 months?

When is your next? - set the date now and keep it.

That's your best bet against Breast Cancer!

The Mom Vote

2008-02-05T22:07:00.000-05:00

It's Super Tuesday! I have never been so excited to vote in a primary election. I am excited to say that this registered Independent changed my affiliation today, in order to vote for Barack Obama. MOMMA'S FOR OBAMA!!!!

As I post this--I see that Hillaryk Clinton won New Jersey--so all DH and I can hope for is that Obama can siphon off as many delegates as possible as we wait for 100% of the polls to report.

I find the impending presidential election fascinating. I find Obama inspiring with the kind of cross generational appeal not seen in a long while. I read and hear anecdotal stories that it's the younger generation opening the eyes of their parents (Caroline Kennedy, included) and elders to the likes and appeal of Obama. This phenomenon has struck a chord with me. This will be the 4th presidential election I will be voting in, the first as a parent. Somehow, more than ever, I feel like I need to be as informed as I can be in order to make a decision Abby could be proud of.

It's probably idealistic to think that my vote will have an impact in THIS election, let alone Abby's future. However, it feels too imporant to take a chance otherwise. I feel a connection with Obama--a connection of hope and optimism that I hope to be on the horizon.

Hold on---it'll be an interesting ride to November 2008.

2008-01-30T21:49:00.000-05:00

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.......

What are 20 months of pictures worth?

It's great to be back. I want to resurrect this blog by giving it a new name and to begin to lay the groundwork for something that, someday, I hope Abby, herself, will continue....gotta love this 21st century technology stuff, right?

Last we posted....Abby was 9 months old....she is now 2 years, 5 months going on 25! This child is no-joke. While being the light of our lives, she is a fun, bright adorable little girl with the most amazing sense of humor.

Without further ado.......a glimpse into Abby's world for the past 20 months. Enjoy!!!

Warning: very long post with lots of pictures and lots of bragging

2006-06-09T22:28:00.000-04:00

The best way to start this post is with this picture:

Yup--that's Abby at 9 months! I can hardley believe it--and thank goodness babies are hard to break. I guess we are doing something right! Things have been very busy. Abby is crawling and pulling up--and it's Abby's World and we just live in it.

Let me get the stats out of the way. Abby is now 29 1/4 inches and 20.6 lbs. The doctor seems impressed with her physical prowess, but unfortunately that has resulted in her verbal skills taking a backseat. Sure, she lets us know what she is thinking, wants and hates...but not a consonant in earshot. I am not too concerned. Afterall, given who her parents are, it will be no time before she is reciting the Gettysburg Address.

Abby has been blessed with a terrific sense of humor and an easy laugh--as evidenced by this little diddy; Make sure you have your sound turned UP!

On Memorial Day weekend, we celebrated Abby's Hebrew baby naming. Since a picture is worth a thousand words, here are some pictures of that very special day:
This is Peter with Abby, me and the Rabbi. She is telling everyone the meaning of Abby's Hebrew name. Her Hebrew name is Aharuva Masha which means love.

This was taken before the prayer over the Challah (bread) that is said while it is cut by Abby's grandfathers.

This is the rabbi blessing Abby

This is us drinking the wine after the blessing over the wine which was said by Abby's godparents--my sister and Peter's brother. That is my oldest sister standing next to me. (Abby's Godmother)

From the left that is my dad standing a bit apart from everyone else, Peter's brother (Abby's Godfather), my oldest sister, behind her--a bit hidden is her her husband, me and Abby, my other older sister, Peter and the rabbi (holding one of her 7 month twins)

That's Peter's dad--and no it isn't lit--hardley ever is anymore...but it's his trademark. Apparently, Abby took it from him...but we don't have any pics of that!

This was taken right before the ceremony began...HAPPY FAMILY!

I have alot to catch you all up on so if you have made it this far--I have even MORE pictures and another video. Thanks for looking!

so---here we are a few days later

2006-03-23T21:00:00.000-05:00

Ok--it's been more than a few days...but, believe me, I've been REALLY busy. I thought it would be fun to reinaugurate my blog with a post about drool.....

You know you're a mom when your baby drools right into your mouth and you don't FREAK out! Yup, that's right...Abby drooled right into my mouth tonite.

I was playing on the floor with her when Pete came home. He picked her up and was giving her hugs and kisses and then he was swinging her over me as I was lying on the floor.

She was all smiles and giggles and then......

A big squirt of drool dripped right out of her mouth and into mine!!!!!!!

Pete and I were cracking up.....ahhh the joys of parenthood.

So-- a little update on our girl.

She will be 7 months old in a few short days
She is 17lbs, 27 inches
She has one tooth (bottom center)
She sits up on her own
She is FULL of personality
She LOVES to eat
She looks like her daddy MORE than ever! I swear I was there, really, I was!

Here are some pics......

The smoke clears...

2005-12-10T22:00:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh... I think we've turned a corner and ahead of us is a life blessed with a child. I am now at a point where I can finally consider Abigail a child. A small but distinct difference in my mind, from a baby. For months, while pregnant, you say: "We're having a baby". Shortly after giving birth you say: "We just had a baby". Now, as we look towards 4 months, I really begin to see that Abigail isn't just our baby, she's our child and Pete and I are her parents. Some of you are probably reading this thinking: "What did they expect? Didn't they realize that this is what it's all about?" And the honest answer is NO. I still stumble over myself when I call the Pediatrician and announce who I am followed up with: "Abigail's mom". Holy Cow!! I am Abigail's MOM!!! It's sort of the same feeling I had on my honeymoon when I was addressed as "Mrs. K----". I think I've once again lost some sense of identity. As I realize that while I am losing a small part of my identity, I am gaining a role of responsibility--one I welcome with open arms eager to play. Abigail makes it easy. When I walk into the room, her face lights up and she breaks out the best toothless grin. She smiles easily and giggles at my comedic antics. I relish in trying to make her laugh and don't worry about how silly I know I look and sound in the process...the girl LOVES it.

We are finally settling into a schedule with 3 daytime naps. The downside is that it doesn't leave much time to go out and run errands...so we will be working on tweaking the schedule into 2 daytime naps with the longer one being in the afternoon. Now that I have our WONDERFUL nanny on board 2 days a week--I've convinced her that it isn't good, anymore, to hold Abigail during her naptime and to please support our efforts in following the plan...thankfully she understands and is on the same page as us. It also helps in me not feeling inadequate that I don't always have the time nor patience to hold and entertain her all day...I constantly remind myself that is why we hired her...to give her undivided attention... something I am short of when home with her.

I've also been dating. Yup, mommy dating. I've been making an effort to meet other moms with children in the same age group as Abigail. So, i've had a few Mommy dates so far and all seems ok. It's funny though to be dating all over again with some of the same anxieties cropping up--does she like me? Will she call/email for another play (Mommy) date? It's amazing how life comes full circle like that. It's even more amazing that even with Mommy dating, you meet some real losers out there...but that's a whole other post.

Abigail's first Thanksgiving was fairly uneventful, even anti-climatic. I suppose that is what happens when you are not the first (and more like the 6th) grandchild. Everyone is happy to see you, but it's a "been there, done that" aura with not too much attention given. That is ok--the last thing we need is an overstimulated child at a noisy family function...and she faired very well with even going down to sleep in the pack n play at my sister's house.

Here are some new pics for your viewing pleasure--see how she's grown!

Another month gone...

2005-11-06T20:45:00.000-05:00

Wow...it seems like yesterday that I was updating the blog. I am shocked to see that it has been exactly 1 month since my last update. Let's see--not much is new, except Abby is bigger and her personality, well..., her personality is bigger too.(BTW, that is her laughing not crying) There is nothing like holding up a mirror to ourselves than to look at our children. The guilt sure does settle in early parenthood. When Abigail's temper is raised and her stubborness obvious, it's hard not to see so much of us in her...

The alertness and awareness of her surroundings is at an alltime high...as is her needs to be occupied and entertained. It's Abigail's world and Pete and I just live in it. This is no more plain then on the days when I turn to look at the clock and see that it's 2pm and my teeth are still gritty and need to be brushed and my stomach is growling from not having eaten since the marathon quick dinner the night before. Leisurly dinners are not had in our household anymore unless we want to listen to Abigail cry, as dinner time usually coincides with the witching hour.

We are in the process of providing structure for mom and for Abby during the day. This ensures that teeth get brushed, mom gets fed from time to time and that Abby begins to understand what to expect during the day. I never knew there were some many hours to fill... We are making headway at night but nightime is easy in comparison...there is only one activity expected at night--sleep. During the day, there is alot more variation. And with that variation brings much variation in mood from Abigail.

So, for those that like stats and milestones here is your update:

Abigail is 9 weeks, 3 days old
She is, as of her 8 week apt. 10lbs, 5oz and 22 1/4 inches
She got her first round of shots last Friday
She smiles, coos, eats 5oz every 3-4 hours
She has rolled over ONCE from her stomach to her back
She will imitate Mommy when Mommy sticks her tongue out
She loves peek-a-boo, abc's, counting to 10 with Mommy and Baby Mozart
She laughs at Daddy's funny voices and faces he makes and can't wait for his jokes! (poor girl)
Here is her Halloween picture...can't wait until Thanksgiving!!!

One month down..

2005-10-07T15:11:00.000-04:00

I can't believe over a month has passed since the birth of the Princess. B.A. (Before Abigail), I used to joke that I was nervous about being a parent. Afterall, I've never owned, let alone, been responsible for something for 18 years! People would laugh when I said that and quickly correct me--that I would be responsible for Abigail for many more than 18 years. The best was when my Mother-in-Law responded by saying that, afterall, Peter is 35 years old and she was still responsible for him! That certaintly made me wonder how she really feels about me as a daughter-in-law and how I "take care" of Peter...but that is a whole other post of it's own.....

But seriously, while we have hit some sort of groove in caring for Abby, I get the sense that we have a false sense of security...one doesn't really know what lurks behind the next corner...teething? night terrors? separation anxiety? terrible 2's? terrible 3's? another child? (OMG!--not yet! once again, a whole other post of it's own), etc...

Our latest hurdle has been a cold that I am fighting and have no doubt given to Abigail. Poor baby is clearly feeling less than perfect due to my awful sneezing, coughing, etc...the guilt sets in very early, doesn't it? Oh well....I thought that I would stop pumping breast milk this week--but given that she is feeling under the weather, as am I, she needs the breast milk more than ever...so another week we go...

As we are entering month 2, the change in Abigail is overwhelming. She is really beginning to interact more..as evidenced by her alertness, smiling and cooing. It really takes the sting out of the sleep deprivation and feelings of incompetence. What amazes me most about motherhood so far, is that no matter how powerful and competent individual you are in the adult world, all it takes is a crying and screaming 7lb baby to bring you to your knees...

I guess we are doing an ok job

2005-09-24T13:58:00.000-04:00

You tell me--does this look like a child who would be cranky and up through 2 feedings last nite? I can't seem to trust my sleep-deprived state to accurately tell me if this is a happy child.....It's difficult to know how you are doing as a parent, especially a first time parent, when it's not likely that Abigail will turn to me and tell me that we suck as parents and are doing it all wrong. We will wait the 12 years or so before we hear stuff like that. However, you need to stop and wonder why, then, I would go out to Babies R Us yesterday and in my "browsing" buy a straight jacket for her....oops! I mean a swaddler. Not only did I buy that, but also the Happiest Baby on the Block book. For those of you who aren't familiar with this tomb--it gives tips to keep a newborn calm and happy. One such way is with tight swaddling (used in conjunction with other specific techniques) Well, we are all into the swaddling now. This is what the straight jacket-- I mean a swaddler-- looks like. It is MUCH easier than using a receiving blanket, but I just worry what she will think when she gets older and we browse through her baby pictures...I suppose that is when we will hear how we are less than ideal parents who didn't know what we were doing....

The Honeymoon is officially over...

2005-09-17T19:29:00.000-04:00

And I feel the 17 day itch coming on....

Our little princess is becoming less princess-like. We have gone from regular intervals of naptime, mealtime, alertime, tummytime, naptime, etc...to naptime, crankytime, mealtime, crankytime, naptime, crankytime, mealtime, crankytime....

Crankytime consists of a good dose of screaming, crying, writhing in our arms and turning a beautiful shade of purple. This has given me a latent dose of baby blues...

We have tried it all--knee bends, gripe water, mylicon drops, singing, swaddling, swinging, ssshhhh-ing, etc. It just seems to be plain old-fashioned complaining with a bit of gas thrown in for good measure. But oh why does she get herself so worked up and cry like such a baby? It's enough to want to find the receipt that she came with---oh wait!! There is a no return policy! So, off I go to find a good pair of earplugs and a good dose of patience.

Have I mentioned how beautiful she is becoming? No matter how purple she makes herself, she is still beautiful and no matter how bad a meltdown we go through, I can't wait to hold her and kiss her all over and see her first thing in the morning with my signature greeting for her--"Hi Girlfriend!"

Her 2 week appointment went great. She left the hospital, down 6 ounces at 6lbs, 3 ounces. At her 4 day appointment, she was up to 6lbs, 5 ounces. Well, we are proud to report that at her 2 week appointment she is up to a whopping 7lbs, 2 ounces. That is a 13 ounce gain in approx. 10 days! She also seems to have grown 1.5 inches up to 20.5 inches. I am much more skeptical of the height measurement, as it is difficult to get an accurate measurement on a newborn, but I can definately tell that those legs are not just getting chunkier but longer as well. Not to mention that those cheeks are getting bigger by the moment. Here are some new pics for your viewing pleasure.

You can click the thumbnails to make them larger.

It's an innie

2005-09-14T22:08:00.000-04:00

Well, it's official. Abigail reached her first milestone this morning. What remained of her umbilical cord has fallen off--and Abigail has a belly button! It's an innie. We have restrained ourselves from posting yet another picture....

For those of you who have a need to know the gory details....

2005-09-07T14:40:00.000-04:00

I am happy to oblige with our Abigail Maya birth story.

So last Wednesday night I began having contractions about every 9 minutes beginning at about 6:30pm. Well, that lasted until about 3:30am--when they began coming every 3-5 minutes. So DH and I waited it out to see if that continued for at least an hour before calling my OB. After dealing with a few false alarms--we wanted to be sure there was some consistency of the contrax before calling.

Sure enough--after an hour goes by with the contrax being anywhere from 2-5 minutes apart--we call the OB and get go-ahead to go to the hospital. At my hospital, you do not get to go straight to L&D. You are first monitored in the Pateint Evaluation Treatment Center--essentially triage. Once they determine that you are, in fact, in labor you are then moved into L&D. Unfortunately, we weren't so lucky.

We arrived at 5:15--and I was still only about 1.5 cm dilated and 50% effaced--the same as I have been for about 2 weeks. They monitored me for a few hours and did some blood work--and finally decided that since I wasn't dilating and still over a week out from my due date to SEND ME HOME!!! I was still having contrax 2-5 minutes apart--but they really felt it unnecessary to do anything but let nature take it's course given that I was still over a week away from my due date.

The plan was to send me home and send me to see my OB at the office at about 3pm to see if I am any more dilated. So off we go. We arrive back home at 9:30am and I am starving. So DH goes off to get me some scrambled eggs and toast and I suddenly start feeling queasy and the pain becomes pretty strong. I do everything possible to ward off the pain--massage from DH, walking, rocking, huffing and puffing. I finally end up in bed--and try and doze off. Well, I would be awakened every few minutes in severe pain. Finally at about 11:00am--I make DH call my OB and tell them that I am in INTENSE pain and cannot wait until 3pm to see them.

Even after DH warned my OB that I was WAILING in pain, my OB insisted that she see me in her office...so off we went. When we got there, I was immediately ushered into a back room and out of the waiting room, as to not scare the daylights out of the other patients in the waiting room. I get an internal and I am 4 cm dialated..and get the OK to go across the street to the hospital and the OK to go straight to L&D and skip the Patient Evaluation Center.

We get to the hospital and told that there were no available rooms in L&D and would have to wait at least 20-25 minutes for a room. Well, there I am laboring in intense pain, leaning over a chair with DH massaging my back and I am moaning in pain—all the while people are trekking through the waiting room to go see their loved ones in L&D.

I finally get into a room and am given an internal and I am 7 cm dilated. I immediately ask for an epidural—and am told that I would need 2 saline IV’s before one can be ordered—all the while this is being explained to me, I continue to wail in pain. Well, the nurse comes in and hooks up the first bag and turns it all the way up –so that I received the first bag in about 15 minutes –tops…and as soon as she hooked up the IV for the 2nd bag—she called for an Epidural for me—THANK GOODNESS!
Life did get better after the epidural—and so DH and I got some rest for about 2 hours when I was given my next internal check—and I was 9.5 cm and 100 effaced and my water still hadn’t broken. After my OB was notified of the advanced progress, someone came to break my water and I was told that my OB would be there in about an hour when I could start pushing.

Once my water broke, what I could feel through the epidural, became more consistent, and a bit more uncomfortable—but certainly NOT unbearable—especially after laboring to 7 cm without pain medication. So DH and I sat and watched the L&D nurses get our room together for delivery and made friendly chit-chat. When my OB arrived, I was promptly put into a contortionist position and checked by my OB and told that the baby’s head was already crowning. My OB told me to push—and when I did—she immediately got up to get her gown and gloves on. As soon as she turned from me, I got another intense contraction and screamed that I needed to push! She told me that I need to wait for her to get her gloves on—the longest 10 seconds of my life. Well no sooner than when she sat down, I was pushing---and out popped Abigail Maya. For those of you still with me—that was 2 pushes and about 5 minutes of pushing before Abigail popped out….a fact I am pretty proud to tout.

Abigail scored 9 on BOTH APGARS—another fact I am very proud of. I did not need an episiotomy—but did have a small tear that required 2 stitches.

Meet Our Abigail

2005-09-04T20:33:00.000-04:00

Here is our little girl--

Announcing the Debut of Abigail Maya

2005-09-04T08:37:00.000-04:00

Our daughter, Abigail Maya, was born on Thursday, September 1st at 7:30pm weighing in at 6lbs, 8.6 oz and 19 inches long. We are home and are getting to know each other. Peter and I are feeling incredibly blessed. I would love to share our birth story--but first we need to get some sleep.

More to come........

A Castle fit for a Princess....

2005-08-28T20:09:00.000-04:00

We promise that the next time we post pictures, they will be of Abigail...

The mural is complete, and Pete and I are thrilled. My girlfriend Carol did a great job--see pics below.

If you think we posted alot of pics now, just wait until Abigail arrives........

You can click to make pics bigger.

The Waiting Game

2005-08-26T20:36:00.000-04:00

Isn't it funny how things come full circle? When you conceive via assisted reproduction, there is a common term used to describe the timeframe between insemination, implantation, etc to the time you can officially test for pregnancy. It is called "the 2 week wait" also referred to as "2ww" on message boards and other blogs.

Well, as we sit here 2 weeks from my official due date--we are back at our 2ww. During our first 2ww, I tested on a few hundred home pregnancy tests to help pass the time. I don't think there is such a test for impending labor--is there? Let me know ASAP if there is--and I've missed reading about it.

I can't believe that 9 months are coming to a close--so much has happened, not the least of hosting a human life inside of me. When I stop to think about it--what a cool experience it has been. Sure, I've had my moments, but overall, the ability to conceive (something I will NEVER take for granted after our difficulties)and nurture a life inside of me is truly a GIFT.

I'm sure we are deluding ourselves that we are prepared for Abigail--but her nursery is pretty much complete, (the mural is coming along beautifully--be prepared for even more pictures) a diaper changing area has been set up for the 1st floor, laundry has been done, drawers set up, car seat installed, snap-n-go put together. I wonder if we are warding off an early delivery by having done all of this over the past week. I am happy for Abigail to continue to bake another 2 weeks, and am even happier to be "prepared" for her arrival.

We did have a false labor alarm on Wednesday morning that seems to be a result of a UTI. I am told that the baby's head is fully engaged and so low they can't even get an accurate ultrasound measurement. I am 1 cm dialted, 50% effaced and -1. To me, all this means is that it hurts to get out of bed and in and out of the car--and walking is becoming more difficult. From the measurements they COULD get this week, they estimate somewhere around 6lbs,12oz at this point.....

So here's to the 2ww.

DH no longer on the DL

2005-08-23T16:26:00.000-04:00

DH is in the house! Well, Jenn finally let on that she had created this amazing site over the weekend, and I think it's turned out great - just like the nursery!

I have to give it up to Jenn - she has endured a lot, starting when we started our arduous journey to get pregnant, and throughout the pregnancy itself. And I wouldn't have wanted to go through it with anyone else - she's my one and only. :)

Hey - baby-related side note - if any of you (or anyone you know of) belong to the Pampers Gifts to Grow On Reward campaign - tell everyone to get the Sesame Street DVD packs - I sold 'em to Pampers, and DH needs to bring home a bonus check for his little girl! :)

That's all for now. Drop us a line!

And Even More Progress

2005-08-21T22:00:00.000-04:00

For those of you who can't get enough of nursery pictures, we have made even more progress this weekend. After learning that I could, in fact, have this baby at any time, we kicked it into high gear this weekend. Car seat was installed, snap-n-go stroller put together, crib bedding put into crib, wall hangings hung, onesies and clothes put away, changing station set up in kitchen, family heirloom bassinet re-ribboned and dropped off by my sister and all that fun stuff. All that needs to be done is a mural painted on the wall in the nursey adjacent to the crib by my friend who is a very talented artist (by hobby). She is coming tomorrow to sketch it out and should have it completed by the end of the week (hopefully). Oh, we also need to swap out the mattress that was delivered with the crib for the upgraded coil mattress that we ordered but wasn't delivered,(that is why the mattress in the pictures still has the plastic on it and not a sheet) and we also bought a new bassinet mattress for the family heirloom bassinet.

Of course, now that all this is done, Abigail is sure to go full term..... Well, we'll have to see about that. My contractions are getting stronger and stronger every day-and these are not the Braxton Hicks kind I'm talking about--these are the real thing. For now, they are VERY irregular and short-lived but are getting more regular and longer as time goes on. My swelling is still there and doesn't seem to getting better, but not worse either. My second set of tests from Thursday indicate a stabilzation in my bloodwork, bloodpressure and weight gain. I see the doctor again tomorrow, so we will see what happens. I should be getting an ultrasound to confirm presentation of the baby and an estimate of weight....should be interesting. I am just about 38 weeks--so I am hoping she will continue to bake another 2 weeks.

Now, for more updated pics: (You can click on them to make them bigger)

Would you like your site included here?

2005-08-19T22:39:00.000-04:00

I've decided to spruce up the blog a bit and pay respect to all the lurkers and commentators out there, as well as the blogs that I faithfully read. I have finally taken the time to put up my links. Bedrest will do this to you...

If you are interested in having a link to your site here, don't be shy! Feel free to email me at jc5854@yahoo.com. Be sure to put "link" in the subject line, as I get a TON of spam and junk mail to my yahoo account and I want to be sure not to delete your request.

Abigail's furniture has arrived!!

2005-08-18T22:58:00.000-04:00

So the nursery is definately coming around. The furniture arrived yesterday and am so thrilled!
Abigail certaintly has the nicest room in the house. My girlfriend is coming next week to paint a small princess mural on the wall and all the decorative details still need to be done but even if the baby makes an appearance this weekend, I think we will be ok.
You can click on the pics to make them bigger.

Medical Update

2005-08-18T17:35:00.000-04:00

As a result of my bloodwork earlier in the week and my 24hr urine--I am borderline pre-eclamptic. My doctor will not officially classify me as pre-eclamptic, but, rather being treated for Pregnancy Induced Hypertension.
What this actually means is that I am to officially stop working and be off my feet as much as possible, and be on 2x/week visits to the OB to monitor my bloodpressure, weight gain and edema. It turns out that I've gained 7 lbs in the last 2 weeks (I was up a total of 21 lbs prior to that) and my hands and feet are completely swollen with carpel tunnel pain in my wrists. This along with the borderline blood test and 24 hour urine results for Pre-eclampsia has resulted in a bit of concern.
The baby is head down, my cervix is very soft and I am 1cm dialted--leading my doctor to believe that I will most likely labor on my own at any time now. I had to repeat my blood work this afternoon and start another 24 hour urine--if these results come back worse than this week's then I will be induced. I DON'T want to be induced--because if I am, then they will be putting me on the Magnesium stuff--which I heard is horrible. I asked the Dr. if I had to be induced if they could just give me a C-section, she said not likely and that I would still need to be given the Magnesium anyway. Anyone know how bad the Magnesium is?
The good news is that I am 37 weeks--and if I went into labor or was induced, I would not need a steroid shot for the baby--and she seems to be fine.
So, overall, not the worst news, and not the best news. I am trying to stay calm and hope to labor on my

Being tested for PIH

2005-08-17T22:50:00.000-04:00

Well--after a long weekend of intense swellling in my ankles, feet and hands with a touch of the runs--I called the doctor today and went in a day early for my appointment.My blood pressure was ok and they didn't detect any protein in my urine at the office, but I am going first thing in the morning to get a blood screen for pregnancy induced hypertenstion (PIH) and I am to start a 24 hour urine collection tomorrow, as well.I suppose the concern is that my feet and ankles are VERY swollen and I've had some stomach discomfort--but I think this might be more a case of the doctors covering their you-know-whats then a real case of PIH. WDYT? Also--does anyone know the clear difference, if there is one between PIH and Pre-eclampsia?I also got a Group B Strep test today and they won't do a pelvic until 39 weeks. The baby's heartrate was in the 140's--and they don't tell what the presentation of the baby is until 38 weeks.In other news--my baby shower was Satuday and boy, did we get a lot of stuff! There is practically nothing left on our registry and we received some very beautiful clothes and keepsakes. Abigail is soooo loved already--we feel very fortunate.

This is Progress!!

2005-08-12T16:54:00.000-04:00

So--we are slowly getting the nursery together. We moved into our house at the end of June. While it may look like we HAVEN'T done much, please let me tell you, we have!!
We had the wall-to-wall carpets ripped up, and the floors re-done, chair rail molding put up and the room painted. The ceiling fan was put up, and we replaced the 2 windows.
Last nite, we unrolled our new area rug and put up one set of the drapes. I got the drapes and the area rug from Pottery Barn Kids. I have room darkening shades underneath to pull down for naps and evenings. They cut them a 1/4 inch too much on the sides--so we will need to replace them. Luckily they were only about $4 each at Home Depot.
Tonite DH will hang the other set of drapes--my shower is tomorrow and I hoped the room would look a bit more together.
Our furniture is being delivered on the 23rd and all should be set aside from last minute hanging of decorations, and quilt.
WDYT? You can click on the pics to make them bigger.

Is this normal?

2005-08-01T22:51:00.000-04:00

I've posted this question on a pregnancy board with no luck. Maybe a few of you out there will be inclined to de-lurk and possibly provide some insight.

Whenever I have a Braxton Hicks contraction, it corresponds to a tightening in my head along the temples. It feels like my head is in a vice with the intensity matching the intensity of my contraction. When mentioned to my OB, there was no concern upon her part and a vague explanation that it is physiologically possible and nothing to be concered about. BUT, why haven't I heard about this before? With all of my (google) research and knowledge, surely I would have heard of this?

I go for my 35 week appointment tommorrow. I hope they check to see how the baby is presented--I'm curious. The baby's room is completely painted, the floors refinished, ceiling fan hung, windows replaced. I need to put up some shades, maybe a simple window treatment, find an appropriate area rug and change the switchplate covers. The furniture has been ordered and is scheduled to be delivered on Aug. 23rd.

My girlfriend is painting a small mural on one corner for Abigail with a Princess theme. She should be doing it next week--and we decided to not do a border because it will look too busy with the border.

I suppose I should be thinking of packing my labor bag--but I am in denial that this baby is coming out of me shortly.

Bloopers

2005-07-28T22:48:00.000-04:00

A few pregnancy brain burps:

After consulting my birthing confirmation approximately 100 times, I still made DH come home from work early, and go up to the hospital for our first birthing class to only figure out after waiting 20 minutes that we missed the first class, which was the night before.

After pouring myself a yummy bowl of cereal for breakfast, I proceeded to pour water (instead of milk) into the bowl.

My favorite thing to do is finish my shower and begin to towel off to finally realize that I have forgotten to wash the soap out of my hair....I have done this a few times.....

What burps have you had?

How much change can one take?

2005-07-26T16:19:00.000-04:00

I have been properly flogged for being such a BAD BLOGGER. I do feel bad, when I realize that there are a few of you out there that DO CARE! Wow, this internet world seems almost nicer, and better than the real thing sometimes....

Let's see--where to begin? I'll start with the good stuff. We closed on the house at the end of June and moved in without too much drama. We are settling in, slowly and love the house. The baby's room (and most of the house) was painted the 2 weeks between closing and moving. We refinished hardwood floors, painted and did various things to make it more like home. It doesn't help that I am a Realtor, and typically sell houses and work with buyers and sellers with properties in a much higher price range than DH and I are in---bottom line: I have very expensive taste and expectations. I suppose my arguments of "it's an improvement that we can get a good return on" and "it improves the value of the house" can only go so far.
I am officially 34 weeks tomorrow. OMG!!! I am 34 weeks tomorrow!! Where does all the time go? The princess seems to be doing fine. I on the otherhand, have my moments. There have been a couple of stressful moments over the past 7 weeks--but all seems fine and I am just biding my time over the next 6 weeks.

I am still working and it is providing most of the stress in my life right now. I have switched offices which has apparently resulted in hurt feelings and some vindictive behavior upon behalf of my old manager. So, not only do I need to be concerned with making more money (to justify going back to work and pay for childcare), but I now also need to prove my worth as a real estate agent to my new manager at my new office. (I am still working for the same broker, different branch office) I want take a moment and reminisce over all that has happened over the past 9 months. DH got a new job, we went through IF treatments and got pregnant, bought a house and now changed offices.....oy vey.....I need a vacation. My inlaws just moved from 40 minutes away by car to 3 hours away by plane. Most would consider that a blessing, I view it as more change.

Now, let's have a quick look at childcare. I hope to go back to work in January 3 days during the week, and 1 day on the weekend. The cost for 3 days of childcare is at LEAST $200 a week in this area. I am still researching my options and am beginning to panic about it. I am also trying to pick a pediatrician and I thought for sure 7 weeks in advance would be plenty of time--turns out that not one can even see my until the end of August. Oh well. I suppose the days of having some sort of control of my life is over....

Now, aren't all of you that have asked how things are going, happy you asked?

Has it really been 5 weeks?

2005-06-02T21:21:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's been 5 weeks since my last post. I have been working like mad and getting ready to close on the house in less than 2 weeks. Needless to say--I'm going nuts.

The little princess is doing well. I am beginning to feel her kick and move more and more often. I have completed 26 weeks and am on the cusp of my third trimester! I can't believe how quickly things have gone. I am all registered at Babies R Us but can't imagine who is going to buy us all this stuff! I hope to be settled in the new house before things get too crazy and I become to big and puffy from the summer heat to deal with it.

The real estate market here is keeping me busy--with 10 hour days being more the usual pace than not. I have my glucose test for my next OB appoinment...should be interesting on how that goes. I have gained a total of 12.5 lbs so far and my blood pressure seems to have normalized at 122/76 at the last reading.

Even through all the craziness of the last few weeks--I still manage to have bouts of paranoia. I made one unscheduled stop at the OB's office last week for what appears to have been nothing. Just today I couldn't hear Abigail's heartbeat as loudly as I normally do--and didn't feel her moving around as much. I suppose she is turned towards my back. At least that is what I keep telling myself..... see not much has changed afterall.

I hope my blog friends will forgive me for my absence...it feels good to be back.

My long awaited update

2005-04-21T22:31:00.000-04:00

I am so sorry for keeping you all waiting. But I think you will agree, it was worth waiting for, as I will not only be revealing the sex of our baby, but it's name as well. I work in real estate, and we are in the throes of the spring market here in New Jersey--and I've been working the proverbial tail off--if only that were literally true--as I am growing exponentially every day.

We had our Level 2 ultrasound last Friday and lo and behold we are having a GIRL!!!! Color me surprised!! After bonding with this baby as a boy for the last 5 months, we now will spend the remainder of this pregnancy reversing that mistake!!! Our little girl was movin' and shakin' so much I was asked to turn on my side by the doctor to get better pics of her perfectly beating heart. She was throwing herself against my placenta (anterior--which is why I don't feel much of anything) and literally bending her knees and bouncing herself (more like jumping) off my bladder!!! Peter, the ultrasound tech, the perinatologist and myself were laughing so hard.

After much debate we are naming our little girl Abigail Maya....what do you think? (dare I ask?)

I am preparing for the Passover holiday and am looking forward to spending time with family and cooking. After the holiday, we will be registering for baby gear and beginning to pack this place up for the move.

Update

2005-04-05T22:19:00.000-04:00

So the good news is that before I got up the courage to call the neurologist for a consult--I received a message on my answering machine from the ER doc that treated me on Saturday night. It turns out that it was an intern (as opposed to a Resident or Attending) that read my CT scan--and apparently the interns are overly cautious in their reports and tend to write EVERYTHING down that they see. The final report from my CT scan wasn't written until late Sunday and the Attending reported that my CT scan was totally normal! Yea!!!!

The only disturbing thing is that I still don't know why my entire left side was numb--but it hasn't occured since...so I am not going to look for trouble. I did call my OB's office yesterday and reported the incident. They asked if I wanted to come in--and believe it or not, I said no. I told them that I was confident that the baby was fine (I am) and all my bloodwork at the ER came back normal--and the baby was monitored via doppler and all was well. The truth is--I am somewhat embarrassed--don't know why, but I am. But the kicker is--they took a detailed message and indicated that they would notify the doctor and asked for a number where I could be reached---and---I have YET to hear from the OB! I'm as much surprised as I am relieved--but still surprised.

Trip to the ER and CAT Scan

2005-04-03T21:19:00.000-04:00

I am hoping some of you can jump in and provide some feedback. I woke up last night and was completly numb on my left side (lying on my right with 2 pregnancy pillows)--I then shifted and regained some feeling but my heart started pounding and I couldn't stop shaking. It was very scary so I had DH take me to the ER.The ER doc was concerned because the numbness was in my upper extremity as well as my lower extremity (which can be expected during pregnancy). He said he suspected it had something to do with my Central Nervous System--and suggested a head CT scan to rule out any sort of stroke, aneurysm, etc.....DH and I agonized over whether or not to do the CT scan and the risk to the baby. We are about 18 weeks--and given that we are out of the 1st trimester, were led to believe the risk is minimal--especially with a HEAD CT scan--where only half the head is put into the tube and I was double shielded--above and below my body.We decided that my overall health superceded the baby in that if I was sick--the baby would be comprimised anyway--so we went ahead and did the scan. I am sick over my decision. And since it was 4am on Sunday, I didn't have an opportunity for a second opinion, or to call my OB. Any of you know of someone who went through something similar? Was the baby ok since?The results of the CT scan saw some calcification, and they recommend a follow up with a nuerologist and an MRI for further testing......don't know what that is all about.The numbness has subsided and I am feeling MUCH better (although sleep deprived)... but I am a nervous wreck over having done the scan.

Home is where the heart is

2005-03-18T10:16:00.000-05:00

So much to tell....where to start?

I got the results of our NT scan and all continues to look good. I am so glad we opted for this scan. This is how the genetic counselor explained our results to me:

Walking in off the street, based soley upon my age, my chances of having a baby with Down's Syndrome were 1:370. I was surprised it was so high. Anyway, after my genetic background was studied, the NT scan and bloodwork, my chances dropped to 1:3,691.

Same scenario for Trisomy 18-- Before, 1:891 After, 1:250,000

We were told that these are excellent numbers, so of course we are thrilled. We also decided not to do any further blood testing for Cleft palate, spina bifida, etc....we have faith that our baby remains healthy. It helps that is has become fairly easy to pick up the heartbeat on our doppler at night--hearing all the chambers chugging along--it is music to our ears.

Now--becasue we don't have enough excitement in our lives right now, we decided that this would be a good time to buy a house. So we did. We are SO EXCITED and close on June 14th. My family and friends are so supportive, while some think we are biting off alot right now...I think it's great. I will be in the house a good 11 weeks before my due date.--I think it is totally do-able. After the Jewish holidays in April--our townhouse will be turned upside down and the packing will begin. If I continue to feel healthy, we should be all packed by the 1st week in June. This is VERY conservative timing in my mind becasue when we moved into our townhouse, I was packed in 2 weeks and made us live amongst boxes for 3 weeks before we moved and when we did , we were unpacked in 1 day.

Anyone have any moving supplies they can send along??

My baby is beautiful

2005-03-09T18:59:00.000-05:00

Our Baby waving Hello--13 weeks

So we had the NT scan last Friday. It seems to have gone very well. We won't have the official results of the scan, bloodtest, and genetic background mushed together with odds spit back out at us until this Friday. BUT the doctor told me that my baby is beautiful. We don't know the sex yet (it was too early to tell) but the scan portion of the appointment went very well. Apparently, any fluid behind the neck at 2.5 mm or more is a red flag--out baby's fluid measured at 1.8mm. I could have jumped up and kissed the doctor for telling me that my baby is beautiful! We will also be going back for a Level 2 can in April--we will definately know the sex by then.

I'm feeling pretty good. My latest obsession/nuerosis is cervical incompetence. For some reason--I am scared to death that I am going to get this. My obsession is, of course, completely justified in that I have been having slight twitches up there (TMI, I know) that last about a few seconds and major discomfort in my groin like I just finished horseback riding from California to New Jersey. The groin discomfort doesn't concern me that much (should it?) but the muscle twitching has me a bit concerned. Anyone out there with reassurance? Maybe my uterus is sitting on a nerve or something.....

Anyway, sorry for the delay in posting--just been busy and trying to think positively. I will post after I get the official results of the NT Scan.

In Limbo

2005-02-19T15:19:00.000-05:00

I am learning more and more each day that Pregnancy is a huge exercise in restraint. Gone are the days where I can get immediate satisfaction once a week and see my bean's heartbeat. I've gotta have faith (Where's George Michael these days, anyway?). Faith that everything in there is fine. This 4 week crap between doctor's appts sucks. Not only that, but they won't even do an ultrasound again until 18 weeks (the big u/s) and then again at 38 weeks. (I called and asked). I see the doctor a week from Monday on the 28th for my next appointment. They will check the baby's heartrate via doppler--I will be just over 12 weeks then. Here's my concern: of course my concern can't just be about the baby--but over my body image as well. Given that I hold most of my weight in my lower abdomen, I am concerned that they won't hear the heartbeat through the fat on the doppler--maybe then I will have an ultrasound afterall!

Speaking of fat--I am in my 12th week now and I am still in my clothes!!! I can't believe it. So, in the spirit of not thinking positively about this---I hope the baby is ok in there--with still being able to wear my regular clothes and all. Here are some updates on my physcial obsession: The other night, as I was falling asleep, I was somewhere between consciencness and sleeping and I suddenly felt like someone lifted my stomach and just let it drop--very scary and very painful for about 2 seconds--enough to completely wake me up. Then the whole next day--I had intermittent cramps/tightening around the belly button area (not down the sides like round ligament pain). I called the doctor's office and the nurse tells me that I probably had a contraction, but unless it's continuing and/or bleeding-I'm fine. They are a very dismissive bunch over there...don't they know it's all about me and MY pregnancy? Aside from intermittent nasuea and some tiredness, my symptoms are slowing abating. So, my most constant conern these days is a missed miscarriage.

So we decided not to do the quad screen. Instead, I've scheduled a NT scan. The false positive rate in my area is way too high (not taking into account that fale positive rates sky rocket with assisted conceptions). The NT scan along with a genetic counseling session and bloodwork is supposed to be much more accurate. I'm scheduled to do this on March 4th. Of course, this scan is not billable to any insurance company and costs $400.00

Why is it that the insurance companies will pay for a blood test with extremeley high false positive rates that lead to more procedures (amnio, etc) but not a more accurate Ultrasound? Doesn't make any sense to me. As I made the appointment at the hospital (not many practices due the NT scan--it's apparently highly specialized) I learned that my hospital has a McDonald's in it.--How crazy is that? I asked the the gentleman on the phone who made my appointment--"where do I go for the procedure?" To which he replied: "Do you know where the McDonald's is at Saint Barnabas?" I said: "You've got to be kidding me--there is a McDonald's in the hospital?" "Yes, Maam" he replied. Doesn't anyone else see the absurdity in that? Pete pointed out to me at my last OB appointment that in the lobby of the medical building where is office is located is a newstand that sells cigarettes. You can't even smoke within 25 ft of the building! We live in a very strange world. I am going to continue to contemplate that while trying to stay calm and continue to have faith.

Housekeeping

2005-02-06T10:56:00.000-05:00

It's been a rollercoaster ride for the past few weeks. Literally. I've felt like I've been on a runaway rollercoaster. I have constant queasiness. I suppose this is a good sign. We've gotten nothiing but good signs, lately--and I am trying real hard not to look for trouble.

First of all--thank you to all of you who stopped by and introduced yourselves on my last post. It's very nice to meet you--and as soon as I figure out how to do it, I will be setting up a list of other blogs to visit on this site. Now--to catch you all up on what's going on:

I've officially been released by my RE to my regular OB. This OB is new to me and I had my first prenatal appointment on Thursday. I was not a bit sad to say goodbye to the RE practice. On our last appointment, the baby was measuring right on target (8w1d) and the heartrate was a whopping 175bpm. I was kind of happy that less than a week later I was scheduled for my first OB appointment.

My new OB seems like a really nice guy. It turns out that when he and his wife first got married, they lived in the same complex we currently live in--immediate bonding.... Turns out , that my pap results were a year old, so I needed a new pap and for the first time since getting pregnant, they took my blood pressure and weighed me. Being at this new office (which is somewhat posh in appearance) I began to appreciate the precision in which my RE's practice was run. This office is much more "mom-n-pop" like with a healthy dose of disorganization. It also is difficult to go from hearing and seeing the bean on ultrasound every week to a regimin where I may only see my bean a couple of times until I deliver. I somewhat cajoled the doctor into giving me an ultrasound on Thursday--"You do want to see how enlarged my right ovary is, don't you?--wink, wink" which prompted the doctor to respond--"I see we have a Philadelphia lawyer on our hands."

I then had an ultrasound and appreicated the advanced technology my RE had with his equipment. The ultrasound machine at my OB's was a bit older and the pictures a bit more blurry. All seemed fine with the bean. He was measuring a bit smaller than I expected at 8w6d with the heartrate at 156bpm. The ovary is still very large--and again, the doctor is not too concerned. It seems that there are 4 small cysts throughout the ovary, and not one large one--which would apparently cause some concern. I am still on modified activity--with no intercourse. The doctor also suggested that I do not start my prenatal yoga class until the second trimester.

This is where I go looking for trouble. I am fairly concerned about weight gain during this pregnancy. I battle with my weight--always have, and most likely, always will. I therefore proceed to grill the doctor on the hot topic. He then tells me that based upon my BMI--which apparently was electronically calibrated while I waited in the examination room--indicates that I shouldn't gain more than 10-15lbs. TOTAL????? As pure panic set in I then asked "How realistic is that?" to which the doctor responded, "You tell me." Well that'll teach me to broach topics of conversation and ask questions that I really don't need or want to know that answers to. I've already gain 4lbs--so I suppose a total gain of 20lbs is not that bad.

We then talked about the practice's philosophy on pre-natal testing. Aside from our troubles getting pregnant, I've never miscarried and am under 35 years old. I would prefer not to do any quad screening or other type testing--especially with the very high rate of false positives--especially with stimulated conceptions. The doctor's view was pretty non-commital. (It seemed like he was covering his ass, a bit) Pete and I need to come to terms with how we would handle knowing if we carried a baby with a significant birth defect...something we haven't fully hashed out. To be perfectly honest--prior to problems conceiving, I had very strong feelings on the subject that have now seemed to take a 180 degree turn since then. I am leaning towards possibly doing a quad screen and taking it from there..but haven't fully decided yet.

Onto some other good news. Pete has received and taken a new job with a competitor company of where he currently works that will result in he finally being paid what he is worth. This couldn't have come at a better time and we are extremely grateful for our good fortune this year....as I try real hard not to wait for the other shoe to drop.....

Please introduce yourself

2005-01-27T18:20:00.000-05:00

So, it seems that there are alot of you stopping by, lurking if you will...most come from a few other blogs that I read on a regular basis. I certaintly don't think my prose or story is nearly as interesting, moving as those other blogs...but I would love to know who you all are.

I also want to know if you, too, are sharing your individual stories via blogland. This experience has shown me that our community is VERY large, indeed and I would like to support as many of you as possible and share the trials and tribulations.

Let yourselves be known!!--I promise not to bite.

Blabbermouth

2005-01-21T22:22:00.000-05:00

When to tell? Pete and I are agonizing on when to tell people about our good news. I had my 7 week appointment this morning and things seem to be progressing smoothly. The baby is measuring CRL 10.5mm at 7 weeks, 1 day. I am 7 weeks, 2 days-so I guess that is good. The heartrate is at an acceptable rate of 142bpm...my underachiever is now an overachiever.... My HcG is at 60,095 and my progesterone is mainting over 40....all good signs.

My biggest fear is that I will be jinxing something by telling people. On the other hand, if something bad were to happen, we would have more people to be supportive. I have told some people--a few close friends at work, a few close girlfriend, both sets of parents and siblings--and a couple of clients--it's difficult to show clients 10 houses in a day without munching on something to fight off the queasiness and use the bathroom in some vacant houses and NOT provide an explanation. My sisters are so over the moon excited they keep bugging me about buying me stuff, and when to register, etc.... So, with the impending snow storm this weekend and being couped up, I think we will start spreading the news...I hope it's not too soon.....

Acceptance

2005-01-20T19:34:00.000-05:00

I am slowly beginning to accept my condition. I've really had no choice--althought it's been fairly easy to ignore this pregnancy--I really don't have too many symptoms and the symptoms I do have I believe to be a result of the overstimulated ovary. My boobs hurt mostly at night when I get up to pee, slight queasiness in the afternoon and some headaches. Other than that, I don't have full blown morning sickness, my boobs aren't growing by leaps and bounds, nor am I hungry all the time--so all in all, I don't really feel pregnant, just a bit under the weather with a slight stomach flu and nasal congestion. Easy to forget isn't it? Until I remember that I am now responsible for this little bean inside of me, and that I shouldn't really be skipping meals and remembering to take my prenatal vitamins....I already suck as a mom.

Slowly this is beginning to change. I almost cried today when I couldn't book an appointment with the recommeded OB. If all goes well over the next 2 weeks, I will be released to my regular OB at 8 weeks. It turns out that the OB/GYN I've been seeing for 3 years prior to starting with a Reproductive Endocrinologist, no longer delivers babies and only does GYN. No big deal--I'll just go to another doc in the practice. Afterall, this practice helped bring my 2 of my beautiful neice and nephew into the world. So I go ahead and make an appointment with another doc in the practice. I was not thrilled with the change but knew that in practices this size, you normally see more than one doc anyway. Until my sister tells me that the doc who is now my primary OB is "Dr. Doom". He apparently told my sister, when pregnant with my neice that he couldn't tell her if her pregnancy was viable due to some spotting she was experiencing....not a doctor I want to even think exists. The last thing I need is an alarmist for an OB. So I promptly called my RE for a recommendation...indicating that I don't want an alarmist. My case nurse was actually laughing at me on the phone. So she finally gets back to me 3 days later and givesme the name of 4 doctors, of which 2 participated in my insurance plan. Of the 2, only 1 was local enough for me to go to when I was 8 months pregnant and not wanting a 25 minute drive. Turns out--she is no longer accepting new patients--so I ended up making an appointment with her parnter--all the way crying about it. I felt jipped (sp?) but I suppose since he is the Director of the OB Residency Program at the Regional Hospital it should be fine.

I started spotting this week--not bright red--but more like brown gunk. Because it was brown, rather than red or even pink, I chose not to freak out. Now, I am still having period-like cramps but wasn't alarmed at all over the spotting. I confirmed this all with my case nurse today and she, too said brown is ok--period-like bleeding is not. I think I've turned a corner ladies and gentlemen. Pete couldn't understand how I wasn't freaking out. I just feel that if I find out that I am going to miscarry via some spotting--it's probably too late anyway and nothing I can do. Fatalistic? Yes--I need to take control over this pregnancy a bit and not freak out so much. I am a regular lurker, and occassional poster on a well known pregnancy message board. I feel like I need to limit my time on this board. Aside from the cattiness that occurs (hello people, can we grow up here?) and the drama--there is so much worry. I really can't handle it.

We go tomorrow morning for another ultrasound. I can't wait to see and hear my bean's hearbeat again---hopefully a bit faster this time. Thank you to all of you who reassured me over the heartrate. If all is good--I think I might need to rename this blog...any suggestions?

An underachiever

2005-01-14T10:26:00.000-05:00

I firmly believe that if you lose your sense of humor during the tough times, you've lost everything. With that in mind, our baby is already an underachiever. Now while it is ok for DH to call my right ovary the Death Star, due to it's inflated size, he gets mad at me for calling our baby an underachiever.

We went in this morning for our 2nd ultrasound. The baby is measuring 2 days ahead at 6w4d, (we were told it is about the size of a tic tac) and we saw (and heard) the heartbeat. What a wonderful moment. The heartbeat is 115bpm. Now, why ruin a moment like this? Because I am who I am, and refuse to change. I am now concerned that this is a bit too low. Everthing I read says the heart rate should be at least 120bpm, so of course I am a bit freaked out. Nevermind that the doctor didn't seem the least bit concerned and that I go to the best RE practice in the state and probably 3 states. I know better--shouldn 't my motherly instincts have already set in?

Comparing the size of the baby with a tic tac was right on the money--it will be amazing if this child doesn't deliver with a tic by the time it is born and with all the worrying I am doing.

Waiting

2005-01-13T17:39:00.000-05:00

Waiting, waiting, waiting....oh god....if this is how it's going to be for the next 8 months or so...I'll take it. It's the evening before we go to see the heartbeat. All I can think about is seeing the heartbeat--will we see it? how fast will it be? which doctor will be on call tomorrow morning? should I shower before we go at 6:00 am? what will my reaction be? will DH put the magazine down long enough to see what I see? I hope we see something. I can't bear to get the courage and strength up to do this all over again with IVF--again with no guarantees.

I will now allow myself some guilty pleasure and start talking about my pregnancy. (did I write that? is this my life?)

I do nothing but think about this pregnancy ALL DAY LONG. It'll be amazing if this baby doesn't come out with a tic--I can be so neurotic! I also had my first encounter of morning sickness today. I had NO IDEA that this naseous feeling came from so deep within. I thought the pit of my stomach was going to erupt and cause an internal tsunami. I also didn't want to do anything other than lie down and close my eyes all day. I am so thankful that I don't commute into the city anymore. I don't know how pregnant women who commute do it. I have exactly a 3 minute commute to work and I couldn't get there on time today because I felt so awful this morning.

Well--I'm going to take a nap until DH gets home when I will send him to the diner for mashed potatoe take-out.

Bad Blogger

2005-01-11T18:16:00.000-05:00

Ok-- I suck as a blogger. I see that I have not posted in 13 days. Not out of laziness--I assure you--but out of fear. Let's catch you all up: I did indeed double from the first HcG. I went from 87 to 181 and was told to come back a week later for the all-so-exciting ultrasound. I had my first ultrasound last Friday and in fact, there was a little sac. Apparently there was also a yolk sac inside that sac. How they know that baffles the hell out of me--how can they see that? I tend to believe that if I can't see it--it ain't so. I now need to go back this Friday to see if there is a heartbeat. Now this is where the fear hits a fever pitch.

Since my BFP--I've thought I've had every malady out there--ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, blighted ovum, appendicitis, etc. I can't help these hyperchondriac tendencies and they are rampant! I've given alot of thought to this the past few days and I think it's difficult to come to terms with the fact that your body is NOT broken when you get a BFP. When dealing with infertility, you slowly learn to accept that your body is broken. When you finally get that BFP, you wait for the "other shoe to drop". That is what I've been doing.

It doesn't help that I lurk on 'TTC" websites and read the most awful stories and situations some of these women endure. My heart goes out to them while I am envious of their focus and strength. My tendencies run so deep, that my own sister refuses to send me "What to Expect when Expecting". Too bad my other sister gave me her copy.

In any case--2 more days until we hope to see a heartbeat...send along all your good baby vibes!

Here's to Doubling

2004-12-29T11:23:00.000-05:00

So--the nurse called me back. She said said that the trace of fluid was normal--that as the ovaries retreat to their normal size, they "sweat". My beta is 87--is that ok for 14 dpo? They will be calling me later today with the progesterone #. I'll be going back Friday hoping for a doubling.

Maybe not so infertile afterall--but full of Agony

2004-12-29T11:17:00.000-05:00

So--I tested + on a few (hundred) home pregnancy tests over the past few days but with major abdominal discomfort and bloating. I was due for my beta serum test on Thursday, but I called my case nurse yesterday to tell her about my abdominal discomfort, and oh by the way, I've tested positive on a home pregnancy test. She said that I could come in early (today) instead of tomorrow, and request an ultrasound to be sure all is ok with my ovaries. It would be too earlyto see any visible signs of pregnancy.

So Pete and I got to the doctor's at 6:30am. My RE does all bloodwork and monitoring from 6-7:30am on weekdays and from 6-10am on weekends. (sadist!)Anyway--I have to wait for them to call me this afternoon with the blood test results--but I requested and received an u/s. The doctor on call this morning was the same one who did our 2nd IUI with teh 21 million swimmers! She said that my bloating and discomfort was a result of my ovaries still being enlarged. Get this!-- a normal ovary is about 2 cm. My right one is 7 cm and my left one is 5 cm. She said this is normal after the injectable drug protocol and that it takes a few weeks for them to go back to normal size. She then said that my uteris is slightly enlarged--a possible sign of pregnancy. BUT THEN, she said (to the assisting nurse--who takes the notes during the exam) "trace fluid in pelvis". WTH is that????? Anyone know? Of course I didn't think to ask until I was back in the car on my way home.I came home immediately and looked up those words in conjunction with early pregnancy on Google--and the only results had to do with impending ectopic pregnancy. I am totally freaking out. I already called the nurse back and left a message asking her to get clarification on that for me when they call me later. Do any of you know anything about this? My sister said it probably is from the ruptured follicles (ovulation)--but I don't know.

It shouldn't be so hard

2004-12-25T19:50:00.000-05:00

Happy Holidays. After living a complete stereotype, my husband and I saw two movies back-to-back today and proceeded to the Chinese restaurant for dinner. I am always so surprised to see the movie theather and the Chinese restaurant so crowded on Christmas Day.

I haven't tested for a couple of days--but I am feeling pretty positive (no pun intended). It's always a question in my mind if I am making up symptons in my head or not. However, my boobs do hurt and I don't feel too much like PMS--so I have decided to think positively until proven otherwise. Only 4 more days to go.....

My husband can sometimes surprise me. While I do not think he doesn't care about our fertility issues, I do believe that we, women, do get the short end of the stick in this whole thing--even if our issues stem from a male factor. Afterall, it is we that lose a significant amount of dignity in this process. Like during our last IUI. Our doctor suggests doing back-to-back IUI. This means when we have an IUI on a Wednesday, during a particular cycle, we will also have an IUI the next day on Thursday. This month, the first IUI, Pete was out of town and I was inseminated using a frozen sample that he provided the previous weekend. However, Pete came home that nite and was able to provide a fresh sample the next day. As we waited in the room for the doctor to come in with the swimmers--a soft knock on the door and the nurse pops in and asks if we mind if a med student, who is observing that day, comes in. My initial response is "sure". What I really wanted to respond with was "Why not invite the entire med school in? We're having a party in here". Afterall--how many more people could get a look at my privates? This med student was pathetic. The doctor asked him questions, even I knew the answers to. I suppose that is not surprising considering it is my body...but it took all the restraint I had not to raise my hand in a "Ooh, ooh, Mr. Kotter!, Mr. Kotter!" sort of fashion to answer the questions, this poor med student had no clue about. (Why would this patient be experiencing discomfort and pain during ovulation? Because my ovaries were the size of regulation golf balls with 3-6 follicles the size of the black hole!)

Anyway, I dirgress...aside from Peter making the whole incident funny with his quick wit (and worth it with his 21 million swimmers!), he sometimes surprises me (or rather shocks me) into remembering that he is a(n) (un)willing participant in this whole mess. As we sit at dinner in the packed Chinese restaurant tonite--we realize that the place was swarming with children...including the gorgeous 10 month old Annabel sitting across from us. After marveling at her beauty and good behavior...Pete looks at me and says "I'm sad". I immediately turn my attention away from Annabel and her parents with surprise. Pete then says "It shouldn't be so hard to make a beautiful little person. All these people have done it."

The Beauty of Impatiens

2004-12-23T13:04:00.000-05:00

What is it called when two words sound the same but are spelled differently and with different meanings? Oh, yeah, I think it's called Homonyms. You know, like "Here" and "Hear", "There" and "Their", "Wear" and "Where"...you get the idea. Well, "impatience" and impatiens" is another example. Impatiens are those really nice annual flowers that you can see all over the place in the summer. They happen to be one of my favorite (and easiest) flowers to plant. I like them so much, that I share a trait with these ubiquitous flowers--I am probably one of the most impatient people you will ever know--so much so, that I have friend who is akin to saying to me in my most glorious moments: "You are being a flower".

Well--my flower is in full bloom with the dreaded 2 week wait. I am referring to the 2 weeks one must wait through after 2 back-to-back IUI's to either get my period or go for a pregnancy test at my doctor's office.

Ok-- I am crazy. Nobody needs to tell me--I KNOW. Even though I gave myself the HCG shot a mere 6 days ago--Even though I know that the HCG is still in my system--Even though I know that if I take a HPT, I will get a false positive--I HAVE INSISTED ON TAKING, NOT 1, BUT 4 TESTS OVER THE PAST 24 HOURS. Now before you all scream at me to tell me that I am not doing the right thing, and based upon my behavior, I should probably not be TTC--god forbid I should actually be responsible for another human being with my pyscho-nuerosis in full swing--here me out. Is it so wrong to want to see those two little lines, at least once in my lifetime? I also justified doing this so well--I figured I could track the positive line. You know, if it stays dark--all is good. If it begins to fade--well, you know what that would mean.So here's the most screwed up part of this whole thing. One brand of HPT comes up positive, and another brand of HPT says no. AND, I've done 2 tests on each brand to make sure I am not completely insane. Doesn't leave me with much confidence in these HPT's. I need to do something to help pass the time until the 30th.